Welcome to another edition of the Fans Week Podcast, also on mediumwaves 1575 KHz. From Paris I’m Jessica Carter-Wilson.
French Drivers Discover the Only Way to Save Money is to Spend It All Immediately on Explosive Liquids
By Jessica Carter-Wilson | Fansweek.org | Paris, March 24, 2026
Today’s news: Fuel consumption in France rose during the first twenty days of March despite prices approaching 3 euros per liter. Data from the Professional Petroleum Committee (CPDP) suggests that motorists engaged in massive precautionary refueling to avoid even higher future costs following Middle East supply disruptions.
France has finally solved the eternal riddle of supply and demand by simply deciding that the more something costs, the more of it you should pour into a plastic jug in your garage. While traditional economists spent the week weeping over charts showing diesel prices climbing toward the cost of a mid-range Bordeaux, the French public responded with a display of financial logic so aggressive it borders on a spiritual awakening. If the world is ending and the Strait of Hormuz is closed, the only rational response is to ensure that your 2014 Renault Clio is carrying enough flammable liquid to reach the moon, even if the commute is only to the bakery.
The Strategic Reserve of the Kitchen Sink
The Professional Petroleum Committee (CPDP) reported an explosion in demand during the first decade of March, proving that the best way to encourage consumer spending is to threaten people with total atmospheric collapse. French motorists didn’t just fill their tanks; they engaged in a nationwide performance art piece centered on hoarding. Following the logic of the CPDP, if you fear that a sandwich might cost ten euros tomorrow, the only sane move is to buy fifty sandwiches today and watch them rot in the sun. It is a brilliant strategy: you are effectively saving money by spending your entire paycheck on a substance that disappears the moment you use it.
“We are seeing a new type of investor,” says Marc-Antoine Lefebvre, a self-appointed High Priest of High Octane at a suburban TotalEnergies station. “People aren’t just buying fuel for transportation anymore. They are treating SP95-E10 like a high-yield savings account that smells like a chemical spill. Last Tuesday, a woman tried to fill a hollowed-out baguette with diesel. She said it was for her retirement fund. I didn’t correct her because, at 2.50 euros a liter, that baguette is technically the most valuable asset in the commune.”
The Generosity of the One-Cent Miracle
The market has provided a glimmer of hope in the form of a price drop for gasoline, which settled at a breezy 1.985 euros per liter. This microscopic downward twitch is being treated with the kind of reverence usually reserved for the return of a lost prophet. It is an exquisite psychological trick: after being punched in the face for three weeks, the public is now expected to thank the petrol pump for only flicking their ear. This one-cent decrease is the economic equivalent of a casino giving you a free cocktail after you have lost your house, your car, and your dignity at the blackjack table.
Meanwhile, diesel continues its majestic climb toward 2.221 euros, rendering the act of driving a van less of a logistical necessity and more of a decadent display of inherited wealth. To drive a diesel engine in Paris today is to signal to the world that you have either robbed a bank or discovered a private oil well beneath your vegetable garden. It has moved beyond a commodity and into the realm of perfume; soon, we expect Chanel to release a fragrance that smells exclusively like idling at a toll booth during a blockade.
A Full Tank for the End of the World
The CPDP predicts a slight drop in consumption in the coming months if prices remain high, but they are underestimating the power of human panic. The French consumer has tasted the thrill of the “precautionary fill-up,” and they aren’t going back to mere necessity. We have entered the era of the permanent panic-purchase, where the goal is no longer to get from point A to point B, but to ensure that when the societal collapse finally arrives, your garage contains enough combustible material to be visible from the International Space Station. We are all broke, our bank accounts are screaming, and the Middle East is a geopolitical tinderbox—but at least we can sit in gridlock for four hours knowing we paid for the privilege three weeks ago. It is the ultimate victory: we are bankrupt, but we have the fuel to drive all the way to the bottom of the cliff.
That’s all from today: from Paris, I’m Jessica Carter-Wilson.