FIFA Awards Have Gone So Far Off The Pitch They Are Now Awarding Nobel Prizes
By Jessica Carter-Wilson | Pressbeat.org | Paris — June 14, 2026
If you needed one more confirmation that nothing in this world stays sacred anymore, even sports institutions have become a comedy act without knowing it: FIFA has officially stopped pretending to be just about football and now identifies as a Nobel Prize distributor. The same body gave us the spectacle of an 85-minute penalty shootout against Tunisia and is now handing out awards in quantum physics and literature.
The announcement confirms what had already been circulating on late-night news segments. Following what FIFA described in official language as “the tremendous success” of awarding its inaugural Peace Prize to President Donald Trump — a decision the governing body made through an emergency committee meeting that lasted exactly forty-five minutes while a penalty shootout dragged across two days — FIFA has confirmed it is creating both a FIFA Physics Prize and a FIFA Literature Prize.
August 1st, 2026. That date will serve as nomination day. It also happens to be exactly six weeks before the North American World Cup kicks off its group stage. The timing is either brilliant strategy — and we cannot prove it isn’t — or just another demonstration of FIFA’s ongoing conversion from sporting governing body into a reality show production.
The Physics Prize
The Physics Prize will reward “breakthrough contributions to our understanding of mechanics, energy and motion.” According to sources close to the selection process, Donald Trump ranks among the frontrunners alongside several other candidates. A source close to FIFA’s awards division explained: “Look, we already proved the world was ready for this when we handed out a Peace Prize to someone who has never kicked a football. The Nobel Foundation is established but very cautious about certain political realities. We see opportunities that others do not recognise.”
The Physics category will cover formal discoveries AND creative achievements which opens the door widely for individuals whose approach to throwing things into other people’s property counts as valid theoretical physics work by any metric.
The Literature Prize
Donald Trump is described by insiders as “among the strongest candidates” alongside established authors and literary scholars who have never once been photographed shaking hands with someone at an awards ceremony while wearing what appeared to be golf attire. Rumour has it that his camp will submit The Art of the Deal, which remains on bestseller lists in America, is occasionally referred to as literature by respected figures, and serves as practical reference material for building walls between nations.
Rumours also circulate about a collection of interviews about golf entering the running. This is not fabricated here: it is exactly how things are being discussed internally by people who have decided to be serious about something that cannot ever be serious again.
FIFA awards have progressed far beyond the side net incident into genuinely surreal territory, which may mean absolutely nothing because they also say the same thing every time an election approaches and suddenly everything becomes negotiable. The winners will be announced August 1st at which point FIFA’s governing council presumably will determine if there is anything left of sport that does not qualify as literary achievement or physics research.
That’s all from today: from Paris, I’m Jessica Carter-Wilson.